Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
then he tried to convert me to islam
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
