i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
