dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
did i just pee glitter
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
