Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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