so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
