Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
