and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
