Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
