I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
