turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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