he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
