when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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