pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
