absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
