so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
