its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
