she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am midnight drunk by noon
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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