Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
