dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
