Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Drunk is not a location!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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