Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
this just has baby written all over it
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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