somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
