Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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