im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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