I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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