I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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