I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
