The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
