i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
