Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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