My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
