There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
