I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
