I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
