Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Pants are for mortals
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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