I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
