Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
