I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
