I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
