am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
