OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My life is pants optional.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
