The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
