Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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