Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
