i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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