WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
