Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
