Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
