just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
