JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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